Grab the Bands

NOT HERE!

2006-06-16T07:38:00.000-04:00

Go here.

What I have become

2006-06-12T21:19:00.000-04:00

So my lip was bleeding pretty bad earlier. Also, even though it was much cooler outside at 7pm tonight than it had been all day, I began sweating profusely right about then. Now let me explain why.

I had just finished writing up a small life insurance policy for an existing client in their back yard when we started talking about unexpected health care costs. More specifically, we were discussing what could happen to someone physically that would incur large hospital and doctor bills. Now although there might be some irony in the fact that my inner lip was, at that moment of conversation, bleeding enough to make me nauseous, that is not the highlight of the scene. Rather, the humor lies in the context of the conversation (and my state of mind) which had abruptly pivoted to the New 1's.

It happened so fast that I don't even remember what was said the moments before the disorienting statement. Alls I remembers is is the client saying her friend had broken his leg; "the tibia and the fibia." Now I don't remember much after that statement aside from my immediate haste to leave, however I do remember the client pointing to her leg from various angles and describing the bone protrusions in great detail as she shaped out their form with her hands.

After "stroking my beard" (i.e. covering my mouth to hide the grin) a dozen times I finally managed to move conversation towards my departure and walked briskly to my car.

When did I become this?

I've got happy breaths again

2006-06-03T01:34:00.000-04:00

For those of you that don't already know, I have been hideously sick for the last week. What started as a scratchy throat progressed into bronchitis and eventually a rabid asthmatic reaction in the lungs accompanied by a pair of severe middle ear infections. The doc gave me a fresh inhaler (Albuterol), an antibiotic (Azithromycin), an all purpose "feel good" syrup (Histex) and even a feakin' steroid (Prednisone) to stabilize this hairball. These of course all came after the doctor saw me and immediately insisted I be hooked up to a nebulizer for 20 minutes. By the way, those nebs will make ya dizzy. I'm getting all drowsy just thinking about it...................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... yup; bedtime.

Shallow content

2006-05-20T12:07:00.000-04:00

Your Birthdate: April 18

You are a cohesive force - able to bring many people together for a common cause.
You tend to excel in work situations, but you also facilitate a lot of social gatherings too.
Beyond being a good leader, you are good at inspiring others.
You also keep your powerful emotions in check - you know when to emote and when to repress.

Your strength: Emotional maturity beyond your years

Your weakness: Wearing yourself down with too many responsibilities

Your power color: Crimson red

Your power symbol: Snowflake

Your power month: September

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Is it the salesmanship?

2006-05-20T10:16:00.000-04:00

You Are Mr. Burns

Okay, so you're evil...

You have big plans to rule the world, and you'll destroy it in the process if necessary!

You will be remembered for: the exploitation of the masses

Life philosophy: "One dollar for eternal happiness? I'd be happier with the dollar."

The Simpsons Personality Test

Focus

2006-05-19T20:34:00.000-04:00

As I sit here at work at 8:30pm I realize why it is I haven't posted much lately. I have been completely absorbed by work. The problem with that is that I can't legally post the things I want to regarding my work. I have some great stories about clients, but I'm not really interested in losing my license or even going to jail by breaking client confidentiality. What I can post about is the industry in general, so I might start posting about Annuities or Long-term Care. You've ben warned.

The Souless

2006-05-18T23:18:00.000-04:00

You Are 68% Abnormal

You are at high risk for being a psychopath. It is very likely that you have no soul.

You are at high risk for having a borderline personality. It is very likely that you are a chaotic mess.

You are at high risk for having a narcissistic personality. It is very likely that you are in love with your own reflection.

You are at low risk for having a social phobia. It is unlikely that you feel most comfortable in your mom's basement.

You are at medium risk for obsessive compulsive disorder. It is somewhat likely that you are addicted to hand sanitizer.

How Abnormal Are You?

Look at all these New 1s!

2006-05-18T07:24:00.000-04:00

Today I earned my second client with a New 1 for a name. I won't disclose the name, but let's just say I was hearing Montel laugh in my head the whole time I was with the client. It was very distracting. At one point I chuckled under my breath when I asked him to spell his name.

"What's so funny?"

"Oh, uh, my pen's dying again." (It really was, too)

Wow - I posted. Yay.

2006-05-11T07:33:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I spent my entire day working in Mt Pleasant. I left at 8am and didn't get home until after 9pm. Today I am once again going back to the indian town. I go now.

Triple Whopper

2006-05-11T07:31:00.000-04:00

Don't eat it!

Do over

2006-04-22T06:10:00.000-04:00

My attitude towards my daily activities hasn't been the best the last few weeks. I've spent a whole lot of time giving myself things to do and not nearly enough time to do them.

So this morning I've been completely re-evaluating the way I go about getting things done. It's quite simple really - I just need to commit to everything I decide to do. If I plan on doing something I will do it. I also need to cut the crap out; by that I mean discarding trivial tasks that I make for myself so I can get the "real" tasks done.

This may not be something I can drastically improve overnight and I can expect to fail once or twice, but it's good to have a general goals in place.

Nothing special

2006-04-10T22:58:00.000-04:00

Just the quiz of the week.

The Five Love Languages

My primary love language is probably
Physical Touch
with a secondary love language being
Acts of Service.

Complete set of results

Physical Touch:		12
Acts of Service:		9
Quality Time:		6
Words of Affirmation:		3
Receiving Gifts:		0

Information

Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz

Your contributions are appreciated

2006-04-02T14:31:00.000-04:00

The work has begun on bringing Solroc to the online. I encourage all who have any knowledge of this world whatsoever to contribute to the wiki. When it comes to DnD, the biggest problem we all face is consistantly remembering the details the same as everyone else remembers them. Well now we have a place where we can all reach consension.

Following suit

2006-03-31T20:15:00.000-05:00

1. Three names you go by:
- Daddy
- Smart Ass
- Hairy Bastard

2. Three things that scare you:
- Larry
- Crazymom
- Myself

3. Three of your everyday essentials:
- Sex
- Music
- Laughter

4. Three things you are wearing right now:
- Glasses
- Slacks
- Drool

5. Three things you need in a relationship (other than true love):
- Sex
- Laughter
- Challenges

6. Three physical things about the opposite sex that appeal to you:
- Eyes with intensity
- Hair with length
- Butts with shape

7. Three things you want to do really badly right now:
- Play my classical guitar
- Play my drum kit
- Sex

8. Three things you want to do before you die:
- Be worth over a million
- Make a music album
- Save someone's life

9. Three ways that you are stereotypically a Guy/Gal:
- I constantly think about sex
- I rarely ask for help
- I know everything

10. Three people I would like to see take this quiz:
- Uglykid
- Strongbad
- Larry

Airplanes Are Fast

2006-03-28T23:59:00.000-05:00

On the way home from work tonight I saw an airplane come soaring down over the east beltine. With the airport being so close to that road I got a good close look at the aircraft. I was reminded of the days when Larry used to take us kids to the fences on the airport's property borders way back when. I have a distinct memory of my mom complaining as Larry kept us out to watch airplanes for hours on end. We used to wait until dark so we could see the plane lights, and while we waited I collected rocks of all shapes, sizes and colors from the gravel access drive on the airports perimeter. Then finally, when the wind got too cold or mom bitched enough, we drove home in that old brown station wagon.

The other day I sat in my backyard with my hands outstretched, holding all varieties of rocks that wakeem was collecting around the yard.

Got Goat?

2006-03-26T19:52:00.000-05:00

Let's all give a hand to LaGoat, who is now the newest member of our online community. You will find a link to his blog over there ----->.

Childrans hopes and dreams have no chance to survive make your time. (ha ha ha)

Sunburst

2006-03-11T19:02:00.000-05:00

The birds are chirping. The Xmas lights are down. The deck furniture is out. My taxes still aren't done. That means it's spring time again.

Today also marks the start of a new age of transportation freedom for the family squad. Crazymom will soon be trek-ing around town in a white '91 Pontiac Grand Am. I had to rollerblade to my sisters to get the vehicle, which was a harsh reality check for my perception of my physical fitness. I barely broke a sweat, but still the flat and short road to her house should have been effortless.

Also, I ran out for an hour to write a life insurance policy this afternoon. I made more off that than an entire night delivering pizzas. I don't know if I should be excited or worried that my luck is about to run out. Then I tell myself, "Don't worry - luck has little to do with it. I'm doing well because I'm just that grood."

$

2006-03-09T21:49:00.000-05:00

At the moment I have a 4 month old baby screaming at the top of her lungs about 4 feet from my head. She's wailing because crazymom is sucking out the snot out of her lungs and apparently that's not pleasant. I find that this is the perfect end to a twelve hour work day.

Actually, I don't think anything could happen tonight that I wouldn't consider a perfect ending to a long day. Why? I'll tell you... wait, let me get my bragging pants on...

ok, pants on. So I made more today than I did delivering pizzas for a month. Now of course this sort of commission isn't going to come everyday or every week, but if I close a deal like the one I did today once a month I won't be complaining.

Conspiracy theory?

2006-03-04T19:25:00.000-05:00

So I got what I thought was a typical form/letter from the Internal Reserve Service in the mail the other day. It's a typical government mailing with the bland, gray, tear-perforation-to-open letter with the usual legal mumbo-jumbo on it; phrases like:

"Penalty for tampering"

...and...

"NOTICE: There is a $2,000 fine or 5 Yrs. imprisonment or both for any person obstructing or interfering with the delivery of this letter. U.S. MAIL SEC.1708"

I've opened this letter and discovered a check for $25,000... wait, no... it's an invitation for auto financing. I chuckled to myself because I thought it was clever, then I realized that there are enough people dumb enough to make this type of marketing effective.

I don't need no hate list

2006-03-03T08:09:00.000-05:00

...but I hate crappy ties.

My knees are in for it now

2006-03-01T08:28:00.000-05:00

Looks like I missed almost two weeks here. So be it. Life has not been very flexible for me but, more importantly, I must admit I look forward to my punishment. My taxes still aren't done, I have even more extracurricular studies for work for certifications and I'm still not seeing my family enough. All this really means is I need to stop sleeping. Not completely, just not in excess of eight hours. I'm gonna work towards 6.4 hours a night.

Congratulations to stemshul for his new life as a monkey. And congratulations to katohater for his pants.

Excuse me if I'm ornery, but...

2006-02-17T07:45:00.000-05:00

I'm workin' fuckin' 64 hours this week. Seriously, I haven't worked this hard in a long time. I spent an hour or maybe two with my family in a day, but mostly I come home to sleep. I'm just frickin tired. I need break to rest more some time think straight.

Simple pleasures

2006-02-15T08:12:00.000-05:00

Crazymom and Wakeem are singing "bah bah blacksheep" together. I never knew that music so coarse and unrefined could be so beautiful.

Hurray for pants

2006-02-14T07:30:00.000-05:00

If kato isn't using the anger pants, I will. I didn't sell jack yesterday. I'm going back to being a freemason.

For those who have been changed by it

2006-02-12T19:11:00.000-05:00

No discipline is pleasant at the time but painful. Today the Sunday paper paid a well deserved tribute to one of the greatest teachers I have ever known. He commands more respect and is more esteemed than anyone I've met to date. His laugh is also the most ear shattering, high pitched, sonically startling shrill I've ever heard. I still miss it.

By the time your children are fit to live with...

2006-02-10T20:04:00.000-05:00

...they're bathing you. I heard a sob story on the phone with an old lady in the office today. She told me how naive, irresponsible and foolish her childrans had been for so many years until she became crippled. Apparently helping mom getting out of bed every day, dressing, using the bathroom and even taking a bath is enough to quickly mature any child.

The lesson here is that by the time you retire you should have LTC insurance in place so your kids/family/friends don't have to see you naked all the time. Leave it to the professionals.

I'm more than a president

2006-02-08T20:10:00.000-05:00

Just so we're all clear, my new years resolution was not voted into effect by any democratic system. I have full executive authority to do what I wish with the rules. No one can deny my decisions on the matter.

Also, my lust for stemshul isn't going to make me retract anything.

So many questions

2006-02-07T07:37:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was my first day on my own as an agent. It sucked. Not because I didn't sell anything (because I did) or because I was uncomfortable selling (because I wasn't), but because I had too many unanswered questions - both myself and my clients. I got them all answered over the phone with my managers, I just want to be more self sufficient. I have a lot to learn still.

To tib or not to tib

2006-02-05T09:52:00.000-05:00

In response to an oversight on my part (back in January) I am making an addendum to my new years resolution.

It seems that many people have been having trouble with Blogger in the last few days. Crazymom was having trouble uploading pictures and even lost a whole post yesterday. Both our blogs were down last night for awhile. Given the circumstances I did not have an adequate opportunity to publish my post yesterday. Thus:

This addendum shall extend the tib grace period by 24 hours on any day in which Blogger experiences significant technical difficulties. The extension may be granted the same day of the last post, but only if the complications took place after posting that day. To be eligible for extension a significant technical difficulty must be experienced and witnessed by a third party. The complication must be of a functionally restrictive nature. Aesthetic abnormalities or changes shall not be applicable.

As with must changes in law, policy, etc, this change applies from here forward. Although my knees would appreciate it if this act was retroactive, I neither expect nor anticipate their safety this evening at stemshul's Super Bowl party tonight.

Just like grandma made when we couldn't find sleep

2006-02-03T02:07:00.000-05:00

The new job is frickin' awesome. The old people I've been meeting are some real interesting folks. There's the sweat old lady who does nothing but research family bloodlines in her trailer all day. Then there's the lady who financed all four of her children's homes and had half a mil in stocks that made 40% last year. And let's not forget the deaf lunatic who thought we were coming to "take him away".

I can't get enough of it.

Respect!

2006-02-01T20:34:00.000-05:00

Your results:
You are Iron Man

Iron Man		100%
Green Lantern		80%
Supergirl		70%
Wonder Woman		60%
Robin		60%
Spider-Man		60%
Superman		60%
Catwoman		55%
Batman		45%
The Flash		40%
Hulk		40%

Inventor. Businessman. Genius.

Click here to take the "Which Superhero am I?" quiz...

In the nick of time

2006-02-01T07:22:00.000-05:00

This post is cutting it too close for comfort. The tacos at stemshul's last night made me poop fire this morning. That is all for now.

Ready or not...

2006-01-30T07:25:00.000-05:00

Today is my first day on in field going to people's houses. As Mario would say, "Here we go!"

We ain't playing for real yet

2006-01-28T17:12:00.000-05:00

This is all you get for a post today. Why? Because I worked over 20 hours yesterday; that is not an exaggeration. feel free to see were I did spent my few free moments this afternoon.

I go poop now.

Tib fib for real.

Wikis...

2006-01-26T23:14:00.000-05:00

...are way too much fun.

Proud

2006-01-26T07:19:00.000-05:00

So my sister's kids were over last night. Aside from being a pleasant distraction from my work it was fascinating for me to compare their skills with wakeem. On the one hand, the 3 and 5 year olds were both much more familiar and comfortable with social interactions among other kids. Wakeem, for example, is still having a little trouble understanding the full extent of the concept of sharing.

On the other hand we have a keyboard. My sister's kids just pounded away on the keys or tried to hold down as many as they could at once. Now wakeem didn't seem to happy about sharing her keyboard at that time (and I can't say I blame her). As soon as the kids wandered away to other toys, my little 2 year old sat down and played a whole scale from top to bottom.

I love it.

Zzzz

2006-01-24T07:43:00.000-05:00

Out of nowhere I came up with a motivation strategy this morning the instant the alarm went off. I immediately decided to grant myself 10 - and only 10 - more breaths while lying down. As I held my breath for that last lung full I started to realize just how great this technique is for getting my lazy butts out of the beds in the morning. I'm gonna have to try this more often.

One hairy foot follows the other

2006-01-23T23:34:00.000-05:00

I have three more days of training ahead. In the first day revealed some really cool concepts. I never dreamed how scientific and subtle the process of sales can be. I've had a little trouble getting comfortable with the whole "manipulation" factor, but in the end I think it's no different than my average "discussion" with the uglykid. Except instead of convincing uglykid to buy my opinions, I'm going to be convincing clients to buy insurance. So really you might say that I already have years of experience selling higher valued products.

I know what I said, CAUSE I SAID IT!

Gentlemen, tart your beards

2006-01-23T07:35:00.000-05:00

The title was suppose to read "gentlemen, start your beards", but I like that better.

Today I begin my new job as an insurance salesman. I have four days of training ahead and I begin setting up appointments on Friday. As Mario (MKDD) would say, "Here we go!"

Their ignorance - delivered

2006-01-21T14:09:00.000-05:00

Here we have a photo of a giant advertisement in New York's Times Square. I'm no expert, but I think this is possibly the most expensive billboard space money can buy. I've seen the same ad on billboards around Grand Rapids. I've been wondering what their new blog service was like, so I thought I would spend some time this afternoon checking it out. After my investigation I have only one question: What blogging?

Maybe they thought it would be a good idea to advertise a service before it was available. Maybe they simply mean that because they offer connection to the internet that they are "delivering" blogs (and for that matter all web pages) to your computer. Or maybe some corporate exec was clueless.

In the face of danger

2006-01-19T23:19:00.000-05:00

I really like Google. Not only do they make excellent software and offer superior services, but more recently they've been showing off their balls of steel for the sake of their customers. Here's my summary of the issue to date:

GOVERNMENT: Give us lots of information about your customers.
GOOGLE: No.
GOVERNMENT: But we need to prove our law is working.
GOOGLE: That has nothing to do with us.
GOVERNMENT: How about if we ask for less information?
GOOGLE: We're not violating our customer's privacy, even a little.
GOVERNMENT: We just want to know how many kids are watching porn.
GOOGLE: Why don't you actually do the research yourself?
GOVERNMENT: Your competitors gave us what we wanted.
YAHOO: Yeah, WE did what Uncle Sam asked us to, and since we 'limited' the information, it wasn't private.
GOOGLE: ...

This may all be a clever PR stunt by Google, but hey, that's business and it's working on me.

Professional professionist

2006-01-18T00:06:00.000-05:00

In the last 4 hours crazymom has decided that she wants to be an actress, a meteorologist, a stripper and even an Egyptologist. I'd say that's absurd, but I myslef have been a cart attendant, stockroom grunt, retail manager, video clerk, operations manager, musical performer, pizza boy, technology consultant and now officially an insurance agent.

Time is now

2006-01-16T16:39:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow I take an exam to license me as an "Insurance Producer" for the State of Michigan. I don't think I'll have a problem passing, but I haven't put the study time in I had hoped to. I didn't get up until 10am this morning which in itself didn't hurt my intentions, but I simply lost too much time with the kids today. All I wanted to do was help out at home and somehow I lost all my study time.

What I'm saying is I'm a victim here. Life just got in the way. There was nothing I could have done to help it. Sometimes life just isn't fair. Somehow this always happens to me. It's not my fault; I'm perfect.

Freedom a la carte

2006-01-14T17:38:00.000-05:00

The ties have been cut. I am no longer responsible for anything at NIRTS Headquarters. I have surrendered all materials. I have been paid in full... well, sort of...

I get a call from hootnhoney 2 days ago in which he tells me he has money again. This came a week and a half after his "disappearance" (cell phone/ground line disconnected, email failures, etc). I respond by saying "great; btw I quit", to which he received quite well. It was agreed that I could deposit the last 2 checks from 2005 and call it good.

Yesterday, he changed his mind: he wanted the checks back. His justification was that I didn't do any real work those weeks and that he needed the money more than I did. Now I don't know how you go about determining who needs the money more, but I'm pretty sure that's irrelevant. Being salaried, the amount of work I did is also basically irrelevant (assuming I did some work). I've got all kinds of cell phone caller ID time stamps to prove I was making business related calls all the first week. He may he a case regarding the week I did absolutely nothing, but I think from a legal standpoint he's fucked. No no, he's just fucked. I've got the dashboard.

So what's the result? I let him take back the last check. Why? Well for one thing he could just put a stop payment on the checks if he "really had to". If it became a legal issue, the cost in lawyer fees would kill the value of one paycheck in a hurry. On top of all that, he left me with sympathy gifts: miscellaneous equipment such as tools, various consumer electronics, etc which are worth a little more combined than the check anyway.

So whatever. It's done. Over. Cya.

Come one, come all

2006-01-13T01:26:00.000-05:00

Come with me on a "whiney trip through Pheeshland". To your right we have pre-complaining. To your left you'll see petty score keeping. All of these marvels ultimately lead us to an unexpected pheesh-like destination where no Netflix can be found.

I think we like doing this to ourselves. I'd say the devil made me do it, but it was katohater that called for blood. So the katohater made me do it.

I'm not burying myself in garbage

2006-01-12T02:10:00.000-05:00

I really want this 48 hour rule to work, but I'm afraid it has the potential to make things worse. If I'm not careful I could become like stemshul and post (the same) 2 words everyday to make my quota. Doing that once in a while is ok, but if it happens half the time (once) it would just be filling my blog with garbage. Now maybe you think this is all garbage anyway... and maybe you're right... and maybe I would agree with you... but I have a moral obligation here. I want to follow the spirit of the law and fill the internets with my sewage until it's up to here.

Crazymom said...

2006-01-10T23:06:00.000-05:00

"Ya know, if someone killed me and dumped me in the woods... I'd be ok with that."

Crazy crazy crazy

2006-01-10T22:29:00.000-05:00

My days are starting at 6am and ending at 9pm. It's frickin awesome. In fact, it's so awesome that this is all you get for a post from me. Copout you say? Hardly. A copout would be more like "This is my post. Read It!"

Language barrier

2006-01-08T12:14:00.000-05:00

For me the best part of having a blog is the self reflection it brings. After thinking of the days events I realized how quickly one can become accustomed to a change in environment. Specifically a conversation stemshul, uglykid and I had today comes to mind.

As we worked on theShedu in stemshul's garage the boys kept correcting my english, an act in which I responded to by insisting they misheard me and that I was in fact using proper form. The problem is that about halfway through I begin to doubt my position, but at that point I would just throw up the mental hands and finish what I've started.

Now I theorize that this behavior is the result of 3 factors, two of which are rooted at HellsPizza. First, I've been exposed to an excessive level of bad english 7 nights a week. Second, most people questioning my statements lately are so stupid that I don't have to second guess myself. Most importantly, I am the SonOfLarry. I cannot be wrong. Don't question it.

There's a sign on the wall

2006-01-07T02:57:00.000-05:00

In order to clear up any confusion as to his authority
TheFatMan's new title is Co-Manager.
This means do what he tells you to do without question. If you are incapable of doing this you should seek employment elsewhere.

Please do not hang up

2006-01-05T17:19:00.000-05:00

You have not reached a wrong number.

Your call has intentionally been redirected to the Verizon Wireless Financial Services Department for review. Your account has been interrupted for non-payment. If you would like to reinstate your account, please select one of the following payment methods that will both automate your payment and reinstate your account. Please note: it may take up to one hour for your service to be reinstated and a $15 per line interruption fee will be assessed.

Will work for money

2006-01-04T12:49:00.000-05:00

I just got off the phone with the NIRTS president. He tells me he has a massive enterprise project worth around $2 million right around the corner. The problem with that dangling carrot is that it doesn't feed my family now. It might also be fake, like one of those decorative plastic fruit baskets. It may even be rotten. Alls I know is my neck ain't strechin' for it.

Flavor at every turn

2006-01-03T21:16:00.000-05:00

We received a package today addressed to crazymom from Mow-bo-ro. I'm not sure why she is the recipient of their marketing, but I am sure it's for the best that way. I keep thinking that if it was addressed to me I would feel privileged and obligated to use them. Ha! No way! I may have tripped up a few times in 2005, but 2006 will be 100% smoke free. That's not a new years resolution - that's a promise to everyone (especially crazymom) published on the internets for all to see. No exceptions. No 'having a bad day/week/month' excuses. No getting drunk, stupid and confident that one night won't hurt. No no no Mow-bo-ro.

A battered old bridge

2006-01-03T16:45:00.000-05:00

So I met with the old boss/music shop owner today to discuss some 'opportunities'. Here's the breakdown:

Develop some custom software for him

Count inventories for him once in awhile

Become a franchisee

I think I'll take door number one for now.

Brush your teeth

2006-01-02T06:04:00.000-05:00

As I foretold, the trophy of dog tags has been lost. The excitement during tonight's tourny was more consistent than any of the previous competitions. The only thing missing was the element of suspense; everyone knew that 'Team Robot' was going to win before any racing occurred. Those two didn't just practice for this tournament - they went to boot camp.

After the main event we played a few games of 8 player mkdd which of course was pure insanity (not just excerpts) and butt-loads of fun. Around 2am stemshul, uglykid and I decided to start converting the recorded races to wmv format for placement on the online. We finished 20 minutes ago.

I'm going to sleep now... or tend to waking children. Whichever happens first.

I swear on my knees...

2006-01-01T19:17:00.000-05:00

I have but one new years resolution: more blogging. I will not allow 48 hours to pass between posts for an entire year unless I am for some unforeseen reason out of town for more than a day. The penalty for missing a post shall be the same as that of a 2005 'mom joke' infraction except that those eligible for administering punishment will be everyone who posted that day (instead of everyone in the room).

Now I must go and lose my trophy.

Breath in, breath out

2005-12-16T03:33:00.000-05:00

No pictures. No drawings. Not even much worth reading; but I'm posting (the semicolon is just for you, katohater). I have been consumed by my frantic atempts to hold onto our financial reigns. I still haven't been paid. I have delivered alot of pizzas. Nothing interesting that crazymom hasn't covered already.

Actually, speaking of delivering, I gave our local Israels a little love tap with my car while training a new driver tonight. Scared the crap outta her. Another driver almost went right through the show room window. It was a frickin' ice rink out there.

So maybe that was interesting. I don't know and don't really care.

Anger

2005-12-03T12:20:00.000-05:00

Anger is a wonderful and stupid thing. As a rule of thumb, anger is best utilized in the now. Getting angry about something in the past is just bitterness and getting angry about what hasn't even happened yet is usually a sign of mental illness. I can get seriously worked up in the right conditions with the right (wrong) people, but after the moment has passed I just can't see any reason to dwell on it. I may have adjusted my opinion of someone, or revised my strategy, or even take measures to avoid contact in the future, but I won't fan the fire until our next encounter. The next step from that mentality is paranoia.

So I'm really not angry at my boss for not paying me; I'm just making significant changes to my opinions and strategies.

It opens the door

2005-11-29T23:42:00.000-05:00

So crazymom and I are standing by the dining table when we heard this terrible staggered humming. At first we thought it might be the washer or dryer going nuts, but it wasn't coming from downstairs; it was outside. No, uglykid was not sneaking around outside in the dark with a power tool. My garage door was being perpetually indecisive as to whether it should be up or down. As it turns out the battery in the remote sitting in my car was near death and it was driving the garage opener crazy.

Oh yeah, and I hear we have a plan for victory now in Iraq. I laughed out loud when I heard that.

I have no explanation for the picture above.

For stemshul

2005-11-29T10:52:00.000-05:00

Money Shot

2005-11-28T16:36:00.000-05:00

Ya know what's great when swirled together and plopped in a bowl? Vanilla and chocolate ice cream. Ya know what isn't great when swirled together and plopped in a bowl? White and dark turkey meat (post-digestion).

We had the big T-day at my sisters (femaledog) Saturday. It wasn't so much a day of thanks as it was a day of photography and drinking. My other sister (prettyshedu) consumed a large chunk of the evening trying to take portraits of everyone (she's an aspiring photographer). With eight young children running wild this was mostly a waste of time and film (mostly). At one point someone decided that giving cookies to the childrans would keep them still for the shots. Despite my objections theses cookies were distributed, which lead to frosted covered faces, sugar highs and the end of the photo shoot.

After another hour of our family's typical conversational mayhem the little ones were all sent home or to bed and I had drank Larry under the table. Over the Larry snores rang the sound of the holidays: coins. Coins were dumped out of bags into glass bowls and table tops. Stacks of quarters, dimes, nickels and pennies gathered around cold beers and hot coffee cups. Authentic vegas cards with the little cuts out of their corners slid across the table still sticky from spilled drinks and dripping pies. Although we all where intent on playing penny poker, it was decided to warm up with a game of Screw Your Neighbor. As the alcohol ran low and stupidity ran high, we continued to play that single game all night. I lost $5 even, but considering Larry paid for everyone's booze I consider myself ahead.

Fill 'er up

2005-11-25T13:07:00.000-05:00

The sound of an infant filling her pants is one that will give me terrors in my elder days. Just now bumby babe just poured out the enormous contents of her young bowels into her diaper, filling it like a gas tank expands a balloon. The noise is reminiscent of the kind of fart that is so loud, so long and sounds so wet that your jaw involuntarily drops and you begin to gag even before you smell it.

Trying to replace the destroyed infant pants is always fun, too. No matter how good you get at it, you can't avoid the window of danger when the old is off and the new is on its way under the bum. Today bumby babe urinated all over that window. A wonderful wet mess.

I love having kids. It's frickin' awesome; mostly because crazymom does all the diaper changes.

Dodging seafood

2005-11-13T01:03:00.000-05:00

My boss puked in my eyeball last night. That's right; spewed on my face.

So we had dinner at the Olive Garden and stuffed our bellies to the brim (right up the throat) and had a few drinks. After all that expandable pasta we each topped off the meal with a spicy bloody mary. Apparently this didn't settle too well in the stomach of Creptice so his wife drove us back to the hotel. We're less than a mile away when the bossman decides to spit out his window, invoking a gagging state which lead to vomit covering the side of his car and the front end of the vehicle behind us. It was all hysterically funny until the wind came into play and flung that shrimp/pasta/bile mix to the back seat where I was. You know that spot on your eye where you get the crusties in the morning? Well that's where the chunky blob hit me; with plenty of splatter damage to boot. I still feel dirty.

It's a secret to everybody everybody

2005-11-05T23:19:00.000-05:00

So I made a run to the store built on common sense tonight to buy edibles and some nappies for our newest addition to the shedu clan. After perusing the selection of baby pants I determined they did not have the special "umbilical friendly" ones we used last time around. Just then an older, rather rotund employee waddled by and I thought I could easily verify my conclusion. After "excusing" myself I described the product I was hunting for and asked if he might know where it was, but about halfway through my sentence I realized that I was a sudden bright blast of duplex light and he was a deer with a drooling open jaw. When he realized it was time for him to respond, he looked down at the plush toy in his hand and mumbled, "Uh, no... I don't. I'm... uh, lookin for, uh... this... uh, where this goes...(grumble grumble)". I told him "nevermind" and began choosing a substitute. He stood there motionless in my peripheral vision for a moment, then mumbled something about agreeing to continue looking. His eyes never left the toy.

Precious Jewels

2005-11-03T01:00:00.000-05:00

7 lbs 7 oz
19 in

Not much else to say. I'm just happy.

Stick here in a dreadlock

2005-11-01T15:55:00.000-05:00

The first thing out of wakeem's mouth after trick 'r treatin' was "I'm happy". Taking my child out for TrT for the first time was weird. The last time I did it I was that 12 year old that shouldn't be getting candy (and even though I wasn't a chaperone I did get jacked!). Unlike most things in life, this was an abrupt change in perception. Since becoming a father, most changes over the years have been transitions from young adult mentalities to fat adult ones. This was different. Halloween is now nothing like it was 24 hours ago.

Even still, "I'm happy". Not just because wakeem got a bucket full of candy (and gave me a sucker), but also because we have a newly scheduled delivery: baby by C-section. Tomorrow at 2pm my camera will be rollin' as they slice open Crazymom and whip out offspring #2. No more waiting around and wondering when to go to the hospital. We're taking the baby express, baby!

Jamiroquai is incredibly awesome.
(If you have to ask then you don't know)

"Ah, what else?" I've done a lot of cartoon drawings and 3D models for the last few months. I don't really know why, especially since I have so many other quasi-obligations I could be working on. I think it's because I've felt creatively stagnant for so long that I need new arenas of expression. Maybe it's just more attainable then some of the big projects. Regardless of what my deep inner motivations are it feels good when I finish even the crappiest sketch.

Now go play with Stewie.

Another questionnaire

2005-10-29T16:34:00.000-04:00

Big Boo-tay!

Which B-Movie Badass Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

I'm gonna melon. By that I mean I am a melon. It doesn't matter what that means; there it is.

12 stories of mercy

2005-10-29T01:33:00.000-04:00

Generally speaking, I find most avant-guard music to be interesting musical exercises at best. Turtle Dreams is an exception. It's not just a weird tonal circus, but a hysterical rollercoaster of insanity. The vocals basically consist of Stemshul mocking his dog with me backing up. It's amazing. Stemshul, Uglykid, LaGoat, Katohater and I were all crying. I was so happy it was like a wedding... between a clown and lunatic.

I started this post just after 4pm and now I'm finishing it nine hours later. Why? Because Crazymom is gonna drop another child any minute (as in time) now. But before they sent us back home tonight Crazymom had to put up with the worst doctor ever. He was a self-doubting intern and a near clone of Pheesh. It was really creeping Crazymom out. I must say that when doctors tell you how dilated a pregnant women is they should never illustrate with any number of fingers. Also, if a doctor gives me a recommendation, he better be able to support his reasoning and not just change his decision or defer to another doctor when asked any questions regarding his conclusions. Fortunately we not only got a real doctor before we left, but more importantly we witnessed a seasoned nurse heckle the insecurity out of "Doc Pheesh". He was trying so hard and then sulking so much in the end.

Can we not talk about my dead mother's breasts please?

2005-10-01T15:54:00.000-04:00

For the last 36 hours I have accomplished the bare minimum for work, played D&D, eaten chimi, watched my car's heat gauge peak-out, bought a new Sony DVD player and watched every minute of BBC's "The Office". I feel liberated. I also feel guilty for ignoring countless other tasks, but that's nothing a cold popsi and some Helluva Good Buttermilk Ranch w/ chips couldn't stave off.

Sadly, tomorrow I must return to a less leisurely state of living. In truth I'm not sad at all; I get to actually do something about that rampant cooling system of The Shedu. However I am somehow angry about the shift at Hell's Pizza I volunteered for tomorrow night. I just hope my radiator isn't stuck full of gobily-goop after 5pm.

I was up all night last night doing the same thing I'm up so late doing tonight... burning energy in front of the quad display. Between the pen tablet and the internets I have managed to stay awake hours after watching an entire Office session two nights in a row. It is this kind of gluttonous consumption of time which had kept me from posting for over a month recently. Then again, a lot of what I do is like a "fatty, fatty toad" anyway, so... um... sometimes, the complaints will be false.

That which does not kill you...

2005-09-29T01:46:00.000-04:00

Despite popular belief/demand I still have a blog. I'm sorry to disappoint all 3 of you, but I will continue to taint the internets with my superior intellect, brilliant writting and gi-hugic ego.

Cindy Sheehan needs to go away. She's nothing but a fanatic who has latched on to a sensative public issue and uses all this public attention to fuel her self rightious crusade. She's a hypocrite who is convinced she is leading a march in the name of Liberty and Justice... just like the man she criticizes. The right to speak your opinion does not imply you can break any law to do so. What is an "old protest song" anyway? Fortunate Son?

This one's just for The Jew.

Yup. That's me.

2005-08-24T09:31:00.000-04:00

What Famous Leader Are You?
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angerdirect.com

2005-08-09T19:55:00.000-04:00

Let's go back in time, to say... the weekend before last.

Saturday

Originally I had paid for my new 19" LCDs with a single line of credit. I had signed up for one of those "pay no interest for 6 months" blah blah blahs. I was told I was approved for the purchase and assured that everything was a-ok.

Nope.

Wednesday

So I get the email asking me to call b/c they "need additional information" - i.e. another credit card b/c I wasn't approved for the whole amount like they said I was. The "no interest" deal wasn't part of the original plan, so I didn't have a problem with any of this until they specified my options:

Pay the entire bill with a different card

Split the order into 2 orders (and pay extra shipping)

Settle for inferior monitors

Settle for less monitors

Cancel the order

None of those options were acceptable and I made sure to let a manager know. Then they gave me the 'f'inal option: buy a gift card. Apparently, you can apply a gift card towards a total and then pay the remaining balance with a credit card. So I bought a gift card with my no interest line of crap with the understanding that I could immediately use it towards my bill.

Nope.

I was transferred to the sales department with the instruction to give them the PO# for the new gift card to complete the order. The sales guy insisted that he couldn't do anything with the PO# and needed the gift card number - which I would be receiving in an email "within 24 hours". So I filed another complaint and was assured everything was in order and that I would get the email tomorrow.

Nope.

Friday

The next email I got was a shipping confirmation for my gift card. By this point I have specific names and extentions for 3 departments and 2 managers, so I can at least bypass the automated systems and hold jingles. Despite my complaints they could only apologize and tell me to keep waiting for the email. One guy even suggested that a physical gift card might make it to my mailbox before the email arrived. Either way, I couldn't do anything with this until Monday.

Monday

I was so busy I decided not to ruin my day with this BS.

Today

No email. No mail. No patience left. I was ready to go straight to a manager when Nadia picked up the line. Sweet, calm, intelligent, knowledgeable, persistent, courteous Nadia. I was on the verge of screaming and yet she kept her cool as she cleared up all the BS. She understood what went wrong, knew how to fix it and never even considered transferring me despite the fact that certain issues were supposed to be handled by other departments. Within 15 minutes I could look up my order online with an "In Shipping" status.

Still, I'm reserving my satisfaction until the LCDs show upon my doorstep.

Overwhelmed

2005-08-07T10:36:00.000-04:00

Sometimes you just have to take a break and try something new.

Margin of error

2005-08-05T16:08:00.000-04:00

Stemshul and I went to Lowes yesterday to pick up some top soil for a new strip of grass in my front lawn. While we were there I wanted to pick up a large patio table. We found one which seemed to fit the bill: 66" x 40".

Let me clarify. The box for this table had a large sticker on one side that had a picture of a large rectangle table and described it as a 'Rectangle Table, 66" x 40"'. The box itself had its own description printed on the cardboard: 'Square Table, 45" x 45"' After closer inspection of the other boxes, we actually found one in which both the cardboard and the sticker called it 45" square - except the picture was still that of a rectangle table! Incidentally, all of the boxes looked to be roughly 45" square.

I had to see an employee attempt to make sense of this, so I snagged the first red vested hero I could find. Well, not a hero. Retard maybe. I asked him what size the table was. He crouched down to closely inspect the sticker, eventually reading to me the large print: '66" x 40"'. I pointed out that the box itself contradicted those measurements. He's response was nothing short of amazing:

"I'd go with the sticker. Sometimes they use rounding."

What?! Rounding? From 45" to 66"? From Square to Rectangle?! I was trying to keep a neutral face, though I wasn't sure if I wanted to get angry, laugh, scream or just start singing 'If I Only had a Brain'. That's ok though, because I think stemshul was expressing all of that simultaneously on his face (behind the idiot). All I could do was say "Ok, thank you" and leave.

I'll make you beautiful

2005-08-02T10:20:00.000-04:00

barbie
Originally uploaded by shedubeard.

I thought it was strange how my daughter liked to rip the heads off her dolls over and over again. Well it seems she has starter to grow out of that... she's matured into whole body modification. Yes, that is a leg sticking out of it's shoulder.

In the face of anger

2005-07-31T19:06:00.000-04:00

Why do so many technology professionals and hobbyists hate microsoft so much? Seriously, I don't understand the reasoning. The best I can come up with are, in order of likelyhood:

Jealousy

Scewed ethical perception

Need for acceptance amoung peers

slashdot

Corporate influence

Microsoft is an inferior product

Am I missing something?

They're coming

2005-07-31T11:31:00.000-04:00

I rather enjoy 4 monitors on my PC, but the old CRTs have really started to crap out on me lately. One occasionally flickers, another has lost any hope of reasonable color representation, and a third one has always sucked in just about every way imaginable. Yet my LCD is still as sharp as it was 3 years ago. So...

I have just ordered 3 new 19" LCDs. Yes, stemshul & katohater, I am crazy. Freaks.

The master at work

2005-07-29T16:19:00.000-04:00

My daughter has mastered control of her bodily functions. She can go on the toilet at will. She can hold it for 4 hours. She can stand on the dining room chair, urinate on it, step off again and splash in a 5 ft radius as she beets that chair like a marching drum. Yes she can.

show ip route

2005-07-27T09:52:00.000-04:00

I have been enjoying the luxury of an AP for almost a week now. It's been great sitting on the coach at night with the laptop and the online. Then suddenly "poof" - half the home network loses the internets. Which half? The half plugged into the Dell 2350 wireless router.

After hours of diagnostics and excess forehead vein throughput, I've come to the conclusion that this particular Dell product sucks. Their implementation of OpenRG in the web config interface is so bad that it doesn't even do what you tell it to.

Example:

I thought for sure I had turned of DHCP before, but apparently I hadn't. It wasn't the source of my headache, but I figured I should turn it off anyway since the address pools overlapped. I clicked "save" and navigated elsewhere to change some things. I came back later and couldn't believe it: DHCP was on again! After much toil I gave up the web interface and telneted into the thing and did it the manly manual way: CLI.

Incidentally, the CLI for OpenRG is (not surprisingly) nothing like Cisco's IOS; it took me too long to figure out how to show the routing table.

It should be noted that this isn't the first time I've rustled with this junk box. I've had the thing for months but only tried using it only briefly when I got my last computer because I ran out of ports. It was fritzy then too and was quickly replaced by a VPN router. I never bothered with it back.

Interesting side note: this post was previously saved as a draft in a different blog; not because I consciously choose to do so but b/c the Blogger button in the Google taskbar occasionally defaults my posts to that other blog.

Jimmy the water's cold out there

2005-07-21T16:27:00.000-04:00

I've been listening to a lot of old Infamous Paczki, cleaning the work space and... something else... oh yeah, TRYING TO FINISH THE EMOTER. What's the Emoter, you ask? I'll tell you.

Trillian is awesome, but like any over-confident self taught optimistic programmer, I knew it could be improved on. It needed something to easily manage emoticons. Soon* the whole world will be able to add, delete, share and package their own emoticons with any graphics, animated gifs, sounds and/or text triggers they choose. Why? Why not. I haven't coded anything since the ol' RIT days so I've been getting anxious to create mostly useless tools (mostly). It seems I have been rediscovering a lot of passions lately and it's wonderful.

*2064

Ready... point... FOUR!!

2005-07-17T03:38:00.000-04:00

There's nothing quite like Rolds Folds Rods & EasyCheese, except maybe a good solid tib from a four iron. I'm completely exhausted from the long night of D&D with T-bone and LaGoat, but the time was well spent, especially because T-bone is leaving for St. Louis again in the next 12 hours.

BTW - despite the unappealing name, Captain Morgan's "Tattoo" rum is awesome. It's like slighty spicy, slightly rummy Coke. Trust me, mix it up with coke and ice and you win.

It's like learning 3rd edition

2005-07-15T15:20:00.000-04:00

I know there were a lot of reasons to eliminate control arrays in .NET, but damn it I miss them. It was so much easier to just click, copy, paste and BOOM... as many indexed textboxs or checkboxs or whatever you want. Now I need to wade through 11 pages to accomplish the same thing. I'm sure if I learned the nuances of .NET and had a significant development project to do I could benefit from the architectural redesign. For now, I just want this one little program with just a couple array-i.

Beware the escape key

2005-07-12T23:45:00.000-04:00

I had a rather long post about my daughter's potty training progress, but then I learned of a strange nuance of this Google Toolbar blog entry editor. Apparently, it has 2 types of undo:

1 - Menu command Undo (CTRL-Z): removes anything typed, but can be replaced with Redo (CTRL-Y).
2 - Esc: restores all default test in the editor; no redo.

No one really wants to hear about my urine stained carpet anyway.

BTW, I like how the Google guys left out "Google" from their spell-checker's dictionary.

Swept under the rug

2005-07-10T01:17:00.000-04:00

The 3rd piece of Cisco gear I ever worked on was a SONET ONS 15454. For you non computer professionals out there, that's like racing the Indy 500 the 3rd time ever behind a wheel. Fortunately, the months of preparation paid off and the installation of this new 15454 went fairly smooth. I was just happy I didn't crash a metro class city-wide government surveillance system.

What I still can't believe is that despite my total lack of experience I did a better job the people who built the core system 3 years ago. Apparently, my implementation and testing procedures were so complete and thorough that they revealed some serious shortcomings of my predecessors' work. I don't know what any of this means yet, other than I kick ass, which I already knew. HA!

Seriously, I hope I don't garner too many enemies b/c of this. Government employees (and contractors) tend to like having an understood "no one really cares" attitude among themselves.

Stemshul

2005-07-07T00:33:00.000-04:00

I hate you.

Please Use This Washcloth to Remove Makeup

2005-07-06T23:42:00.000-04:00

I've been to a lot of hotels on these business trips I take. Tonight I'm staying at the Holiday Inn Express in Warrensburg Missouri. Compared to other HI Express locations, this one is a palace; especially considering the size of the town. The decor boasts marble walls, exotic greenery and finely carved cherry staircases. They even have special designated towels for my makeup... I mean hair wax... I mean, uh, bloodpool.

All the fancy stuff is fine, but the fact is the soap here sucks. The shower head is great, the towels are a bit stiff, but the new soap they're using is the most persistently oily boiled fat I've ever applied to my hair / skin. It's so bad that after a whole day of being dry I put my hands under running water and felt the oil rise out of my pores and slick up my hands all over again.

I'm bringing my own soap next time.

18 for Zohkon

2005-07-02T23:58:00.000-04:00

Most of my time today was spent placing stones for the nearly finished, summer-long project patio. I have developed a technique which involves soaking the underlying sand until it's mud, dropping the stone in, then stomping on it until it's level.

Squirting the excess mud-sand out the edges of the stone slabs has worked well until today. Apparently, I don't know my own strength. That's right; don't mess width me, yo, cuz eyes gots supra stone smashing legs. U know wut IB talken bowt. It(')s implication. Get it?

There are no more black ninja... only SAMURAI!!

2005-06-28T19:41:00.000-04:00

An old friend of mine was in town today. The Ugly Kid and I had lived with him several years ago, but we hadn't seen him since. I guess he's been busy in California working with a semi-underground highly controversial pseudo-political committee, which he seemed to be fairly gung-ho about it. The "Con" flag soared in my head.

We agreed to meet for lunch, and I was prepared to tear him apart if he tried to "convert" me or "recruit" me or some such nonsense, but surprisingly, he didn't try to cram a motherlode of cactus shit down my throat. In fact, I had to pull the information out of him - which at least suggests he hasn't turned into a beguiling hoodwinker.

The man he supports is Lyndon LaRouche.

At present, I believe this man is either:

A brilliant man with a noble cause, or

An idiosyncratic totalitarian lunatic

I will neither dismiss him nor support him until I know more. With my priorities, he will probably die before I make up my mind.

Oh yeah... I almost forgot my sympathy grammarical error.

Smarty boy panty

2005-06-22T12:30:00.000-04:00

I had the pleasure of witnessing someone get humiliated yesterday. As this couple walked up to the entrance at IHOP, the girl stopped and insistently asked, "Ya gonna open that door for me or what nigga?" After pondering his options for a moment or two, he must have decided there really wasn't any decision to be made and stepped towards the door. At the very moment he put his grip on the door handle, though, his pants lost their delicate grip on his thighs. Unlike the lady's demand, this predicament prompted a rather quick response: "Oh, shit! My pants are down!"

BTW, have you ever seen a bum take a shit on the sidewalk? By that I don't mean just any sidewalk, but one on a major street in the downtown bar scene being traversed by a dozen or so egocentric yuppies with bodies meticulously chiseled to perfection. I'm talkin' about the type of indecent exposure that incites as much rage as it does disgust. Well, the one value for any such thing ever happening is the hilarity of the expressions on the "hotties'" faces; which would almost be as funny as the facial expression on the girl who's with the guy wearing pants around his ankles. Despite looking like she was holding her breath trying to push out a baby, she was utterly silent.

Although his announcement of his obvious predicament came almost instantly, he took some time to consider whether he should continue through the door first or pull back and pull up. Unfortunately, before he could make his move his Nextel started alerting like mad. The demands of multitasking were simply too much, and the guy "lost his cool" as he swiftly yanked up his jeans and hopped through the door.

And so, as dramatically as possible, the girl expressed how upsetting it was to open the door herself.

Got a devil's haircut in my mind

2005-06-20T15:36:00.000-04:00

The advantage of working at home is that you can take a break almost anytime you want. That's also the biggest disadvantage. Keeping up with work is a constant roller coaster; sometimes I'm on top of everything, but sometimes I go screaming down out of control slacking all day and then have to burn the midnight oil till the sunrises to meet deadlines.

That typed, I think today's digression was worthy of my time.

Denotation is context sensitive

2005-06-18T12:48:00.000-04:00

If someone asked me what I did this weekend, and I said "a garage sale", I could mean that I actually sold a garage. Why would I comment in a nonstandard way? Well, for starters it's not wrong; just an uncommon context. Secondly, I tend to like awkward English; it's more interesting to me. Finally, I may have a subtle, less obvious objective; like, say, scattering a lyrical reference in many pieces throughout a blog postread the italic

I think I need a Learjet

2005-06-16T18:40:00.000-04:00

The garage sale begins tomorrow at 9am. Everyone has been bringing their junk over for the last couple days in hopes of making a buck. It's a lot of hassle, even despite the lack of a high fidelity inventory system (which I wanted). The marketing for the event wasn't exactly first class either; just an ad in the local paper and some colorful poster boards with "SALE" written all over them. I already feel it's worth it though, having salvaged a few items from the hopeful entrepreneurs. For example, I now am the proud owner of a hanging work lamp. Now all I need is to gank a suitcase from the traveling section and I'll be all galvanized!

One of these days I'm going to cut you into little pieces!

My mustache smells like cabbage

2005-06-15T18:40:00.000-04:00

Never store plastic bags of leaves on your backyard pavement for 8 months b/c you're too cheap to pay for yard waste removal - even if you are prepared to deal with the eyesore for that long; even if you can handle the stench when you empty them by hand in a compost; even if you don't mind the maggots and earwigs biting and crawling over your skin as you handle the rotting vegetation - b/c it will turn the concrete permanently black.

.

Carbonated Face Wash

2005-06-14T15:28:00.000-04:00

All I wanted was a cold popsi. The drop-in action of my minifridge's integrated pop can dispenser seemed simple and harmless. Apparently, a 3 foot drop can be explosive for a popsi can at just the right angle of impact. I should have taken a picture of the splash damage, but the grenade shell will have to do.

Recovery

2005-06-04T04:37:00.000-04:00

I went to MO. Then I can back. Then my motherboard melted. "Green lights will kill ya" and apparently so will the man who said it if you cross his line. I put big stones on level sand. I ate souvlaki. I drooled on LaGoat's new house and rolled 12-sided-dice in it. I sleep.

Happy 6/4

+5 Whisk of Knuckle Smashing

2005-05-11T16:16:00.000-04:00

There I was: minding my own business (I was staring down for some reason) when stemshul attacked my index finger with a 3 foot whisk kicked from 20 feet away. I suppose I'm lucky that only one finger was struck. It's been almost a day and it still hurts to bend it... up... at a 45 degree angle.

I'm Gonna Melon

2005-05-08T22:49:00.000-04:00

Lately I've been on a Geggy Tah kick. I listened to Grand Opening on the drive home from South Haven last night, and all day today I've had "Welcome into the World" stuck in my head.

There are over 14,947 songs on my hard drive. On shuffle that song was the 6th or 4th song to play.

I'm baffled.

Damn Hippies

2005-05-08T16:21:00.000-04:00

Last night was the first of a series of gigs at Ascensions in South Haven. None of us in the band were sure what to expect at this place, but it was $100 a man with no setup (they even had a set of drums for me) so why not? That's right; we whore out our musical talent to the highest bidder.

Here's what they didn't tell us until we showed up:

No alcohol (not even the champaign advertised on the website)

No smoking

They've never actually offered live music before; only workshops

$10 cover

We were told that they expected 200+ patrons. We played all night to a dozen middle-aged brunt-out hippie regulars who between sets browsed the retail portion of the establishment admiring the same beads and healing stones that have likely been there since they started to frequent the place 6 to 4 years ago.

One of the attendees was a Codder-Clippon-type person who taught "all kinds of instruments to students as young as 6 to as old as 64". He also was a big fan of Utilikilts; I know because he wouldn't shut up about how he "stays up till really late in the morning all the time trying to find another fan site or home-made commercial" because he's got nothin' better to do... like practicing the Ud he just picked up so he could teach his 64 year old student.

I'm just glad no one put a witch's curse on me.

Restroom Rantings

2005-05-07T01:06:00.000-04:00

Tonight's gig was for a rather snoby private party at the Centennial Country Club. While in the "lavatory" between sets I was amidst two men having a conversation:

Older Man: "So is someone driving you home?"

Middle-aged Man: "Yeah I think someone was gonna,"
(suggestively): "but I don't think I'll have a problem getting a ride tonight."

OM: "Uh huh... I saw you eyeing [so & so]..."

MM (rhetorically): "Hey, the wife's not here, right?!"

OM: "You better hope your wife doesn't find out."

MM: "Hell, you could tell her I was suckin the makeup off her face for all I care! As long as she doesn't catch me buckin' her I'm OK!"

I almost felt obligated to insult the man, but that wouldn't have been appropriate since (a) I was the hired entertainment and (b) we were all taking a piss.

On a more pleasant note I installed a 300 GB hard drive in my PC today. I never thought I would fill the original 160 GB, but since I've been getting a lot of disk full errors I knew I had to take action. Also, I now have 3 monitors for my desktop. You may be thinking that's absurd, but just in case you're not you should know that my base player is giving me another 20" soon. Good thing I bought the GeForce FX 5500 with 2 ports today.

Head Games

2005-05-04T03:39:00.000-04:00

My daughter ripped all the heads of her dolls this morning. As if that wasn't strange enough, she repeatedly begged to have them re-attached just so she could rip them off again with ear piercing screams of joy and excitement. This went on for some time and now the heads are missing.

All the better; the heads didn't match the skin color on their bodies anyway.